And the word went forth: Chequamegon!

In the big inning was the word , and the word was Chequamegon, and the word was good. And from the atop the mighty Mountain Bike Hall of Fame, came the Man of Fat, who is called Crandall. And the Fatman spoke though his prophet (and mouthpiece) Galen, and behold, there came to be a mountain bike race of the most epic proportions, and it was named the Chequamegon Fat Tire Festival.

And in the 13th year of Chequamegon, came three warriors clad in the color of Champions, and their names were Sir Brian, Sir Andrew and Sir John (which, in the Germanic tongue, is pronounced "Hans") and they were wise, and they were brave, and they knew how to slap Band-aids. So they were welcomed by Prince Gary the Other, leader of the Ems people. And the warriors came to be known as...Patrollers.

The years marched on, and each year the patrollers returned to the land of the great forest on the third weekend of the ninth month. On mighty steeds with valiant names like Giant, Ellsworth, Cannondale and Trek, they rode into the forest to do battle with the monster Chequamegon, which it is said often harms those who love it so much. But strong Sir Michael and fair Lady Deborah, valiant Sir Alden and gung-ho Sir Daniel, intrepid Sir Scott and the beguiling Lady Jodi, the Warrior Princess Mara with her sidekick, Shad and her porter, Porter, Pirate King Anthony, Sir Jay with his brother Sir Rob, and his other brother Sir Rob, and the irrepressible Sir John, (which, in the Germanic tongue, is pronounced "Hans") and many others, went forth into the forest, and it was made safe.

And lo, in the 28th year of Chequamegon, being also the 15th year of the Patrollers, the decree went out again across the land, far and wide, that the bravest, the strongest, the bestest of all the patrollers in the land were summoned to return; Return to the land of the great forest on the 17th, 18th and 19th days of the month of September and to again make it safe for the invading hordes from far across the Great Land.

And the Fatman looked out upon the forest and saw that it was good, and he smiled.